Back on the Wagon

Well, I have gained about 6 pounds and been pretty sedentary since my last posts. I feel sick and gross and I have no energy.  However, this week Jonathan and I started going to the gym when he gets off work.  I went to cycle on Monday and then met him later and walked.  I felt so great when I got out of cycle.  Refreshed, energized, total endorphin high. Tonight I did Body Pump, which I either need to really go easy on squats because of my back or ask for a modification.  Basically the class showed me that my lower body is really weak.  Then I did a hip hop class which was fun, except I have no rhythm, I'm clumsy and I forget moves if they aren't done again in the next 5 minutes.  I also think dancing would be more fun if I was skinny because I just felt like a fat girl trying to dance and no one wants to see that.  Well, three days down, a billion more to go.

Crap, its already starting

I did not go to the gym on the fourth of July.  Mostly because I did not think they would be open.  Now, however, I know they are open and I want to go but I am concerned about homework as I did not get much reading done today (although, I printed articles out for like an hour).  I keep telling myself I can go and read on the eliptical, and tomorrow try to not sleep in so late or spend so much time doing other things, but I still don't want to.  Maybe its cause the book is sort of boring and I'm not sure I can read it for an hour, and maybe its because I just don't want to workout.  However, bending over for just a little while yesterday while I cleaned out some drawers made my back hurt today.  My belly is getting in the way of me.  I just feel fat and gross and unhealthy, so I know I need to go.  *sigh*.  Okay, I'll go... 

awake

Had my first full work out in ages.  60 minutes of cardio and about an hour of weights.  Before I went to the gym, my eyes were so heavy, I was so tired and for no reason, as I got enough sleep last night.  After the gym, I feel awake and alert.  So much better!  Bought a rotisserie chicken and ate it with a salad.  Here is hoping I can keep it up because I like the post gym feeling and not the pre gym feeling. 

A new Day

I feel as if I want to start a new journey.  I have tried to lose weight off an on for the past decade.  I have never gotten to my goal weight.  Right now though, I am feeling tired all the time, sick, physically exhausted and out of shape.  I feel like I am carrying a weight around, and I am.  I have slowly gained back about 10 pounds since last summer and I just want to feel better, healthier. I want to have more energy and not have every day be a struggle for strength.  I want to wake up in the morning refreshed, I want to be able to have endurance to clean for an hour. I want to not feel sick, and like my arteries are filled with fat and like my heart is clogged.  I want my back pain to go away and to most of all feel comfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to develop diabetes, I don't want my metabolic problems to get worse. 

I started a new blog because I want to make a lifestyle change this time.  I don't want to be apathetic.  I don't want to just look for the end goal.  I want to FEEL better, not just LOOK better.  I want this to be different.  I don't want to jump back on the wagon, I want to catch a new wagon.  I named this blog resurrection and reclamation because I want to rise from this grave I am in and reclaim my life. 


I feel so tired right now and not sure if my body will cooperate going to the gym, but I'm going to try.  I have to start somewhere.